childhood portraits

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I haven’t taken straight forward, soul-baring portraits of my kids in soooo long, I can’t remember the last time I did it-maybe a year ago. It’s such a bone of contention between us. Merrik is very uncomfortable in front of the camera. He is self-conscious and feels like everyone is being critical of him. He doesn’t know if he should do a goofy smile or give me stink-eye. It breaks my heart because his smile is so beautiful. Maliea now wants to do things her way-posing and modeling for the camera.

They won’t stand still for more than 20 seconds and I have to find the perfect place to frame them in a split second just to get one or two expressions. I stopped them last night while they were outside playing basketball to escape the heat of the house. I don’t get excited about photographing them this way anymore-yet I LOVE having these images. They are some of my most favorite images of them because I remember the feeling of the connection and when they stopped to be present for me in this way. It’s such a gift in our busy lives.

They are also more hypercritical of the images than ever after they see them. But they are great editors too. Maliea really liked the one of Merrik laughing. I told her that I didn’t like it because it was completely blurry-nothing in focus. She said, “Mom you just want everything too perfect!” Both of them teach me more about myself every single day.

Life has been very challenging and emotional for our family this past year so I haven’t been able to blog much. I am just drained from all the change and turmoil going on. I know at some point I will be able to enjoy where I am and share. I am a very private person. It feels cheap to talk about really personal issues so I just don’t do it at all. I talk to friends in person only. So, if you know me, you will figure out pretty fast that my Facebook page is not the real deal. But, then whose is, right?


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